Reflection
by ZoZo1770
Summary: Sequel to 'Maisha'. The war has ended. Voldemort has fallen… and Harry and Snape have things to discuss. This time, based more on the book.


Sequel to 'Maisha'. The war has ended. Voldemort has fallen… and Harry and Snape have things to discuss. This time, based more on the book.

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><p>Harry stood silently outside Snape's office, looking around to make sure nobody would see him. But then, who would be down in the gloomy, dreary dungeons at this time, anyway? Everybody was up in the Great Hall celebrating Voldemort's demise. After burying and holding a minute's silence for those who had died during the battle on what remained of the Hogwarts grounds and disposing of Voldemort's body, Professor McGonagall had cleared the rubble in the Great Hall, conjured up the four house tables and the staff table, and organised a feast with a wave of her wand. The rest of the castle was still a mess of glass and stone, however, and the feast would not be the same without the students and teachers who had lost their lives in the battle. Harry, noticing Snape had not taken his place at the staff table, excused himself from Ron and Hermione's company at the Gryffindor table. Although Snape's true motives had indeed been revealed to the school after the battle had ceased, a lot of people, both staff and students, still held a grudge against the former Potions Master, and Harry knew that he probably felt uncomfortable in the presence of the whole school just hours after he had duelled with McGonagall and had most likely retreated to his office in the dungeons, which had remained in a surprisingly good condition, rather than the Headmaster's office, which was impossible to enter anyway as it had been reduced to a wrecked pile of stone, metal and glass.<p>

It felt strange coming here voluntarily rather than being summoned for a detention. For once, Harry was not overcome with dread at the thought of dicing Flobberworms or separating Lacewing flies, or whatever horrible punishment Snape had thought up for him. Instead, he felt surprisingly calm. He wanted to say a number of things to Snape, and was grateful for the fact that he had survived so that he could have a chance to say them. He winced at the thought of having to live with the guilt of knowing that he, much like everyone else, had been completely wrong about Snape, and at the thought of not being able to speak to him after he had perished, due to it being too late. Yes, there would always be the possibility of speaking to his portrait, but it would not be quite the same. For some strange reason, part of Harry was actually looking forward to seeing Snape – something which he never thought would happen. Although it was a mere few hours ago, Fawkes's saving his life seemed to have brought out a more civil side to him, a side which he had kept buried underneath all his emotion for the past twenty or so years, and after viewing his memories in the Pensieve with Ron and Hermione, he was positive that Snape had a light, loving side. Raising a fist, Harry knocked on the black wood of Snape's door, hoping he would be on the other side of it.

And indeed he was. The door swung open to reveal a tall, thin, bat-like man with sallow skin and greasy black hair that Harry recognised all too well. Severus Snape.

'Good evening, Mr Potter,' murmured Snape, eyeing Harry, 'I wonder what could possibly have brought you here at this time. I thought you would have been celebrating with the rest of the school.'

'I thought you would be, too, Professor…' said Harry quietly, 'I wanted to speak with you… if it's convenient, that is. Oh, and please, call me "Harry".'

Snape nodded briefly, stepping back to allow Harry through the doorway. Harry looked around the office. The last time he had been in here was nearly two years ago at the end of his Occlumency lessons. He had served all his detentions since then in the Potions classroom. He shuddered as his eyes scanned the dusty shelves around him which held countless jars of disgusting, dead creatures and were lined with books. Harry vividly remembered a jar of cockroaches exploding above his head as he had run out of the gloomy-looking room away from a furious Snape after he had invaded his memories. Snape's desk sat at the back of the room and had on it a bundle of various papers and more books. A couple of wooden chairs sat opposite each other in one corner of the room, whilst a Pensieve floated in another. Snape sat down in one of the chairs, gesturing towards the other one for Harry. Harry sat down slowly.

'Well?' asked Snape, 'what is it that you wished to speak to me about?'

'I – er –' began Harry. He wasn't sure where to start. He took a deep breath and started again. 'I just wanted to say… well, firstly, that I'm sorry.'

Snape looked stunned. He clearly looked as though he was not used to receiving apologies.

'I was wrong about you in the past and I should have just believed Professor Dumbledore when he told me he trusted you, instead of questioning it,' he continued, 'I'm sorry for calling you a coward last year, because… I know that you're the complete opposite… it makes me wonder why you weren't sorted into Gryffindor…'

He trailed off. Snape studied him thoughtfully. 'You sound just like Dumbledore. I remember him saying something similar to me… of course, you saw it in the memories. Yes… it was during the Triwizard Tournament three years ago… we were discussing how cowardly Igor Karkaroff was in the events leading up to the Dark… _Voldemort's_ return. He said to me that he sometimes thought we sort too soon. He shocked me when he said that. It made me think… if I had been sorted a little later, when I finally understood my own desires, I might have been in Gryffindor. Things would have been different, and Lily…' It was his turn to go quiet now. He looked away, seemingly embarrassed. 'None of this would have happened… I wouldn't have become a Death Eater, relayed the prophecy to Voldemort – your parents died _because of me_… if only I hadn't – if I could go back and change things, I –'

'Professor,' interrupted Harry quietly, 'don't… don't blame yourself now. It's in the past… I know nothing will ever bring my mother back, but… I'm sure she would have forgiven you for everything.' And he was. After all, who would not forgive someone who had risked his life time and time again, devoted his life to protecting Harry. He had constantly put himself in danger – and had narrowly escaped death a number of times. Surely he would have been forgiven by now? 'Although, I didn't think you were the type of person – I mean –' He instantly regretted saying this and had no idea how to finish. 'I didn't know you were – you had another – what I mean is… people were a bit, well, shocked to find out you were capable of…'

'… Love?' Snape finished, with an amused look on his face. 'Yes, difficult though it is for you Gryffindors to believe, I _am_ capable of such emotion, though I may not show it. However… I doubt Lily would be so forgiving. She – you heard what I called her. You saw how I tried to apologise – but my efforts were in vain… but I – I still loved her…' Snape's voice had faded to a whisper, and he looked and sounded so broken, Harry could not bear it. 'I foolishly thought that becoming a Death Eater would somehow impress her… I could not have been more wrong… I think the thing I regret most is leaving things on a bad note when we were at Hogwarts. We never spoke properly after that.' Snape seemed to choke out his words now. 'The next time I saw her was when – when she was lying _dead_ on the floor of the playroom in your house in Godric's Hollow. I never got a proper chance to explain, and by then it was… too late… '

'Sir, you – you've risked your life to protect me a number of times and you very nearly died because of it. Yeah, I understand that you hated me in the past and the fact that you didn't let that stop you is… well… it proves to me just how much you did love my mother. I watched it in the Pensieve. You devoted your life to protecting and helping me for her. I meant what I said – she would have forgiven you – for everything. Don't think she wouldn't. I would have, if I were her… which brings me onto something else I came to say: thank you. Thank you for everything.'

There was a short pause. It was made obvious to Harry by the way he was glaring at him that Snape wasn't used to receiving thanks, either.

'I would have died a long time ago if it hadn't been for your help. You risked your life a number of times, managing to deceive Voldemort himself for years on end. Not only that, but if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have received the Sword of Gryffindor, which helped us destroy the Horcruxes. Even if it only was because you did it for my mother, I really appreciate what you've done. I'm sorry I doubted you before. I know that we haven't seen eye to eye in the past, but could we set aside our differences and start over? Now that I know the truth, well, to be honest, I can't really hate you any more… and nor should anyone else.'

Snape did not reply, but seemed to ponder these words, studying Harry. Finally, he nodded.

'Tell me about her,' said Harry suddenly, 'you knew her best… what was she like?'

Snape knew Harry was talking about his mother, and took his time over his words. 'Your mother was… well, words will never really do her justice, but I will try and explain. She had a kind heart and was very compassionate. She was so talented at everything, too… much like Miss Granger. She was bold and could be fierce at times, and she stood up for what she believed in. As you saw in my memories, she… she was one to step in whenever she saw people being treated unkindly or humiliated. She did not tolerate bullying.'

He went quiet. 'You… you miss her, don't you?' asked Harry, tentatively. Snape nodded slightly, looking at the floor. A long silence followed. Harry wished, not for the first time, that he could have properly met his parents. The only time he had spoken to them for real was in the Forbidden Forest, when he summoned them, along with Sirius and Remus, using the Resurrection Stone. He suddenly wished he hadn't dropped it in the forest, not just so he could see his loved ones again, but also because it would be interesting to see how Snape would react to seeing Lily one last time, and vice versa. Perhaps they would have reconciled… yes, that's what he should have done. He should have waited until the battle was over, summoned his mother one more time and _then_ dropped it. Oh, well, it was too late for that now.

'You should get back to the feast,' said Snape suddenly, looking back up at Harry, 'your friends are probably missing you.'

'Won't you come, too?' replied Harry, hoping the answer was yes.

'Perhaps… in a few minutes. Go,' he repeated, nodding towards the door.

Harry rose from his seat and moved towards the door. Laying a hand on the doorknob, he turned around.

'Thank you for your time, Professor.'

Snape inclined his head. 'Thank you for coming to see me. I will join the feast a little later. Goodbye… Harry.'

Smiling to himself, Harry opened the door and exited Snape's office, walking up to the Great Hall to join Ron and Hermione.


End file.
